“I became a carer in June 2021. To be honest, I was completely ill equipped for what I have experienced over the last two and a half years, since my son was diagnosed with stress induced psychosis.
“My son was fortunate that he had his family to take care of him because if that hadn’t been the case, he could have ended up homeless.
“I believe that the support you give to your children as a parent doesn't end when they get the key to their first house. Your children are your children until the day you're not around anymore. There’s always a potential that they will call on you for support so I'm not resentful of my position.
“But there are things I do as a dad that maybe a lot of dads don't have to.”
Aided by his degree in Mechanical Engineering, Andrew’s son was in steady employment in the Armed Forces, living independently away from home, before moving back in with his parents upon discharge from medical care in the summer of 2021.
Since then, Andrew’s responsibilities as carer for his son have varied.
“When he came back to live with us, he had bigger things going on than worrying about personal hygiene, and without nudges from us, wouldn’t have brushed his teeth, worn clean clothes, or completed other tasks that are mundane to most of us.
“Now that my son is living independently again, the support I provide is primarily around employment and medication.
“He has had a checkered employment history on his recovery journey, with a record of being late or falling asleep on the job due to medication, so I always set my alarm clock for 6am and phone him to make sure he is up.
“This morning I called him and there was no answer, so I had no choice but to get up, get dressed, and drive to his place. Luckily, he was up, and he just had his phone on silent, but I couldn’t risk him putting his job in jeopardy again.
“I also collect his medication. If I didn’t collect it, I’m not sure he would. Not because he’s lazy, but because he just wouldn’t think to.
“It’s something simple, but if he were to stop taking the medication, we don’t know what we’d be faced with, and I certainly wouldn’t want to go back to previous times.
Andrew went on to explain the impact that caring for his son has had on himself and his family.
“From a completely selfish perspective, it's had a massive impact on my retirement. The plan was to go to Cuba on holiday, but that obviously didn’t happen.
“I found myself traumatized and still in shock for months after my son’s diagnosis, so I only focused on what I needed to focus on that day, always trying to be supportive and kind.
“As a family we have all responded in different ways and the past two years has had a massive impact on our relationships, some of which I’m actively rebuilding.
“I have had a demanding career and suffered with depression over the years, and so I knew there was no point trying to help somebody if I was liable of becoming a casualty myself, so it was important to explore options for support.
“I wonder how many carers have insight into their own welfare, or are just so focused on the person they are caring for that they forget about themselves. Its fatal really.”
Carers living in the Vale of Glamorgan can contact the local authority and request a Carers Assessment. The assessment will often start with the provision of information and advice. When Andrew made contact with the Vale of Glamorgan Council, he spoke with Carer Support Officer, Jenny.
“Jenny has been absolutely fantastic. I remember having my first conversation with her, and almost being in tears because she was so compassionate. There was something special about her style on the phone.
“Among other things, Jenny referred me to a carers support group. Such a diverse group of people attended the monthly meetings, I often found myself experiencing imposter syndrome, and doubting if I qualified to sit in the company of these other carers, which I now realise is utter nonsense.
“Your right to information and your right to be heard is what the meetings are all about.
“The peer support was helpful. Most of the time I had no objectivity and couldn’t see anything in a reasonable or balanced way. I needed somebody who has experienced their own difficulties to bring me back in line. I learnt there’s nothing gained by beating yourself up.
“Jenny also helped me access a reduced membership for the gym, and four free reflexology sessions, something that I have continued with since. They’re simple things, but they provide an outlet for stress and take you out of your home environment, which tends to be the centre of where the problem is.
“My advice to anyone not accessing support would be to reach out to someone like Jenny and learn about what help is available to you.”